“Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!”
“The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.”
“Employers are like horses—they require management.”
“Always get to the dialogue as soon as possible. I always feel the thing to go for is speed. Nothing puts the reader off more than a big slab of prose at the start.”
“Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.”
“Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
“What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?”
“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”
“It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.”
“Well, you know, there are limits to the sacred claims of friendship.”
“It is the bungled crime that brings remorse.”
“I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.”
“A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.”
“When you're alone you don't do much laughing.”
“Marriage isn't a process of prolonging the life of love, but of mummifying the corpse.”
“A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.”
“When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.”
”Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.”
“As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.”
”There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”
“Just another proof, of course, of what I often say - it takes all sorts to make a world.”
“Cheer up, Crips, and keep smiling. That’s the thing to do. If you go through life with a smile on your face, you’ll be amazed how many people will come up to you and say ‘What the hell are you grinning about? What’s so funny?’ Make you a lot of new friends.”
